Change is Hard

Change is hard. Change is exciting.  Change is scary.  A few years ago I made this plan to get my family out of California, move to Oregon, and live a cleaner, simpler life.  I took a trip with two of my daughters and visited cities and towns west of the Cascades.  We talked about it a lot and made some dreams.  Time went by.  Nothing happened.  Once my grandchildren came on scene, their mothers started talking more about living in Oregon.  Neither of them wanted to raise their children in California, for a variety of reasons.  So the plan was to sell the husband on moving to Oregon.  Change is hard, especially for the husband.  So my daughter took her growing family and headed up to the Portland area for a visit.  He was sold!  He loved the city, and he loved the country.  They made plans to make the Oregon dream come true.

They both set out to find him a job.  She is a full-time mom at home as well as a part-time maternity and newborn photographer.  He is a full-time accountant and part-time Airsoft enthusiast.  Within a few months, he got an accounting job.  My youngest daughter is a supervisor for Starbucks, so a transfer was fairly easy. The dream was coming true.  They were going to move.  My two daughters set to work to find a house they could all share while they settled into a new life.  The time came, the truck was packed, the kids were loaded into their car seats, and I waved goodbye to my oldest and youngest daughters, along with my three precious grandchildren.

The first month wasn’t bad, as I was preparing to move out of the big family home into a small house my mom left me when she passed away.  I had been reading a lot about minimalism, and I wanted to learn how to live happily with less.  Downsizing was actually fun, and it was refreshing to get rid of excess stuff that I really didn’t need anymore.  I got moved within two months and settled into life as an empty-nester.

Christmas was tough, as my daughter realized it was the first time in 30 years that we were not all together for the holiday.  She and her husband hosted the day in their little apartment in San Diego.  It was just the four of us:  Daughter, Son-in-law, Son, and me.  We Face-Timed with the Oregonians, and watched the kids open their presents from 1,000 miles away.

The girls kept encouraging me to move up.  I kept saying I didn’t know how I could get a job since I wasn’t exactly a Spring Chicken anymore.  I started looking for property, the goal being enough land where the kids could run and we could become self-sufficient.  Spring Break and Summer vacation for a teacher was the perfect opportunity for me to fly up and see everyone and venture out with a realtor.

Through the efforts of daughter number two, an amazing farm property on over 7 acres was found.  Trusting in my oldest daughter’s instincts, I bought the property and the dream was set into motion. Buying a house is stressful.  Buying a house in another state other than where you live is a nightmare.  So much of the work fell on my daughter, and I sat here in California not knowing what the heck was going on.

In the meantime, Daughter and Son-in-Law from San Diego decided they wanted to make the change and become Oregonians too.  She landed an amazing job with the county as a Health Inspector, and moved in with her two sisters.  Son-in-law stayed in California to wrap up things here and then off he went.  Now it was just me and my son.

More time passed and my son took a supervisor position at a new job and moved 45 minutes away.  Not that far, I thought.  I’ll still see him often.  When your children are adults, you have to realize that you are not first in their lives anymore.  It’s okay.  That’s the way it’s supposed to be.  A mother’s goal is to raise her children to not need her anymore.  It’s just a little tough when you realize you’ve accomplished that goal.

Missing my children and grandchildren became almost unbearable.  A year and a half had passed.  The first day of kindergarten, a dance recital, swimming lessons, and the first lost tooth:  I was missing out.  I began to truly realize how important my family was.

I talked myself into, and out of making the move so many times.  My mind was bombarded with seemingly unanswerable questions:  How could I quit my job after 15 years?  How in the world would I get another job being a woman in my 50s?  How could I leave here, and everything I know, and step into a completely different way of life?  I knew there was more to this life than climbing the financial ladder, but I was paralyzed with fear of failure.  Over time, that rollercoaster of indecision began to take its toll on my mental well-being.  I was going to either make a decision and stick with it, or I would be swept away with this fear.  So many of my friends encouraged and supported my dream.  My children and grandchildren were actually living the dream.  I was the only one holding me back.  With a deep breath and a pounding heart, I finally made the decision to step out in faith, and leave California and move to Oregon.  Now, let this adventure begin!